Finally

I'm going home. :)

Our Father's House

I went to a familiar place today, somewhere where I hadn’t been in a long time. Since the beginning of the semester, I’ve been inconsistently volunteering at a nearby soup kitchen in Warsaw called Our Father’s House. As the end of the semester has gotten closer, my attendance has become less frequent. I don’t think it’s the amount of homework or stress I have that determines if I want to go or not. No, there’s always hesitance after my 11:00 Bible class gets out when I ask myself if I’m going to go or not. And I don’t know why. It’s one of the most refreshing places I’ve ever been. It’s so relaxing to get off of my beautiful, safe, and comfortable campus and go and hear old ladies talk about their insurance problems and their  “beautiful grandbabies”. J  But it’s also one of the most uncomfortable places I’ve ever been.           

So once again today, I got out of my 11:00 Bible class and scanned my planner to see if I had anything to distract me from going, and of course there was, because there always is something to do, but something grabbed me, and I said to myself, “I need to go.” Avoiding anything that I knew could put off me going, I ran to my car and headed out.

As I walked through the half attached door, the familiar waff of stale coffee and cigarette smoke greeted me, along with the faces of Charlie, Maggie, and Doris (three of my favorite people to see there) and my brother’s familiar voice. I saw Kim Kim and Kay serving food and Corey manning his dishes, just as they always do. I saw a new pair of incarcerated cooks throwing Sloppy Joes and macaroni salad together, gathering that Jeremiah had been released, and the old man with one leg sitting at his usual spot.  As I sat down to talk to Doris, Charlie, and Maggie, the sweet sound of an accordion playing “Jesus Loves Me” danced around the room.

I had forgotten how much I love being there. I had forgotten that I so often see Jesus more evidently in that place full of lost, homeless, and struggling people than I do on my Christian campus. I forgot what a blessing it is to be around people that don’t act like they have everything under control. 

The man who was playing the accordion moved to the piano and began to play many of my favorite hymns (ha, well, if you know me at all, you know that pretty much all hymns are my favorite)… Just As I Am, Onward Christian Soldiers, In the Garden, Tis So Sweet, Jesus, Friend of Sinners…it was such a beautiful and unexpected blessing. As I made more coffee, listened to the piano and Curtis share Jesus with a couple, I kind of smiled to myself thinking how much Jesus knew I needed this. I love that He just kind of sits back and waits while we’re running around being busy with life. I love when He shows us that He is still so very much at work, even when we are so blind with ourselves and our busy schedules and can't see it. I love that He doesn’t scold us, but he blesses us so beyond what we expect. I love that He is so abounding in love…

Indiana Weather

I've seen both of these this week...ahhhh! It's so crazy!!!!
I forgot what winter is like, and going from Alabama to Indiana is quite a weather shock.

I learned many valuable things yesterday about winter in Indiana, like...

1. What a defroster is, and where it is in my car.

2. I need to let my car run at least 5 minutes before going anywhere.

3. Never have less than a quarter of a tank of gas, because it'll freeze the pipes.

4. The windshield wiper fluid freezes.

5. I need to break about 10 seconds earlier when driving in snow.

6. What a "scraper" is.

7. It takes about 10 extra minutes to get dressed in the winter.

8. Sperry's are not going to be sufficient shoes, and my pea coat will get me through November 1st.

9. Winter in Indiana goes from November to March.

10. It'll still snow in April.

11. The snow in Winona Lake doesn't fall, it pummels you in the face.

12. It gets below -20. Easily.

13. Hibernation is not an option for college students.

This is going to be such an enlightening experience.

Day of Worship

Today was our campus wide Day of Worship. Classes were cancelled and we had a beautiful three hour chapel. It came at such a good time, such a time when I needed it most. I so often get caught up with the stress and frustrations of deadlines and exams and papers, work and friends and studying...but lately that hasn't even really been my biggest frustration. My heart has been so restless, so blind. Every day I ask the Lord to show me Himself in a new way, to see His mercies that are new every morning. Every day I cry for Him to show me a little bit more of Himself, and then get frustrated because I feel like He doesn't. Every day I feel like I'm in a game of hide and seek with Jesus. When I'm "hiding" Jesus runs finds me and shows me how sweet He is and how rich His love is, but then almost immediately it's like He says, "Okay, now that I've found you, you have to come find Me." So often I'm just running around in circles trying to figure out what Jesus wants from me, because I must be doing something wrong if I can't see or hear Him. I must be doing something wrong if I can't mourn over my sin and see how wicked I am. I must be doing something wrong if every time I'm in His Word, I can't see His sweetness and immense love. I must be doing something wrong if every time I begin to cry out to Him, I get frustrated because I have no idea what to say and I feel like He's not doing anything to comfort me. I must be doing something wrong if I'm more tired when I'm "on the right track" than when I'm not...

Today was a sweet reminder to be still. Amidst the frustrations, amidst the uncertainty and unknowingness of my human self. As we watched clips from The Passion of the Christ, I realized that I had forgotten that Jesus loves me SO MUCH. I had forgotten that! I knew it in my head, but I had forgotten it in my heart. I had forgotten who He is. Who He was, who He is, who He will be forever.  

"Lord, help me, for I am often lukewarm and chill; unbelief mars my confidence and sin makes me forget Thee...Grant me to know that I truly live only when I live to Thee, that all else is trifling."    -The Valley of Vision

Oh midwestern winters are coming.

This is a pretty good picture of how I've been feeling lately.

But I still have reasons to smile. :)

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:37-39

This Too Shall Be Made Right

“This is my Father’s world, o let me ne’er forget that though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet. This is my Father’s world, why should my heart be sad? The Lord is King, let the heavens ring! God reigns, let the earth be glad!”

  These words were in my head all day yesterday it of course being Election Day. With anxious and uncertain feelings flying around my brain, I was fully aware that the outcome could be disappointing, and when the results were announced, my heart dropped in my stomach and my head was filled with thoughts of fear, animosity, and danger. I suddenly became overzealous for the sanctity of life, marriage, the security of our “religious” freedoms, and the significance of this war, even more so than I ever had before. It would have been so easy for me to join with everyone else who was making absurd comments like “Today, freedom and liberty died” or “Our country is going to erupt into war and death and destruction.” 

Soon afterwards, two of my close friends and I went into another room to just talk and share what was on our hearts and minds and pray. As we shared our thoughts, we were encouraged by each other’s hope in Christ. My friend Betho talked about when the Israelites had leaders all over the spectrum, good leaders, bad leaders, leaders that followed God, leaders that ran from God. They had kings, and judges, and leaders of armies, and a kingdom or nation far more struggling than ours. But whatever the state it was in, certain things remained the same. The people still rebelled, God still used anyone and anything to bring glory to Himself, He was still faithful, and He was still good.  As we prayed, tears of uneasiness, uncertainty, and anxiety filled our eyes…filled our blind eyes, filled our earthly eyes. Our eyes that cannot see what Christ sees, our eyes that cannot expect to see the great things that our Lord has for us and this country, our eyes that cannot conceive His power and His ability.

While I watched the results throughout the night and saw people everywhere across the country react to who got what state and how many electoral votes were going to what person, I saw these people put all their hope into this one person. During McCain’s concession, I saw his supporters’ distraught and woeful faces, like there would be no hope for tomorrow. When I watched Obama’s victory speech, I saw his supporters look at him like he was their savior, like he is the chosen one coming to rescue us. I saw all this hope put into one fallen, flawed person. Never have I felt so not of this world. Never have I felt like such an alien to this earth. Don’t get me wrong, I am so proud to be an American, I love this country, and I was so proud to have been able to vote in this historic election, but I left the TV so joyful and thankful that my allegiance is to a good and all-powerful and loving God. A God who knows the needs and desires of each of His children, and works in each of their hearts according to His perfect and beautiful will. He is my leader, He is all my hope and surety, and I know He will never be shaken or overthrown. He is my God.

 “Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord, O my soul!

I will praise the Lord as long as I live;

I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.

Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation.

When his breath departs, he returns to the earth; on that very day his plans perish.

 Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God,

Who made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them,

Who keeps faith forever; who executes justice for the oppressed,

Who gives food to the hungry.

  The Lord sets the prisoners free; the Lord opens the eyes of the blind.

The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down; the Lord loves the righteous.

The Lord watches over the sojourners; he upholds the widow and the fatherless, 

But the way of the wicked he brings to ruin.

 The Lord will reign forever, your God, O Zion, to all generations. Praise the LORD!

                                                -Psalm 146

Yay!

I have been sucked into blogging world again! :) I was peer pressured into it by my many friends who have one. We'll see how it goes because I've never been good at thoughts and I'm even worse with words. I always feel like I have to write something profound in these to keep people reading. 

Well, it is a GORGEOUS autumn day today. High of 73, bright blue sky, and vibrant, rich colored leaves scattered and dancing on the ground. I love that when October comes, so many trees start changing colors, and then the leaves all blow away, but then so many new colors come with the beginning of November! It's like autumn part two! Quite a few times I've been driving and I'll see a tree that catches my eye, so I'll pull over and take a leaf, smell it, and stick it in my Bible. Fall is SO beautiful when you haven't had it for over 2 years. It's so interesting, fall is when things are dying away, but it looks just the opposite, it looks like it's when things are coming alive! I hope I'm as beautiful as these leaves when I'm dying. :) 

One of my absolute favorite verses is Romans 8:10-11: "But if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you."

Oh man, I love Jesus so much...to give LIFE to our mortal, dead bodies!!! Wow. :)