I miss my Gracies...

So I feel that I’ve successfully avoided updating for a significant amount of time. It’s amazing I haven’t gotten kicked out of the blog posse. :) Okay, it’s been about three weeks---three unbelievably long, uneventful weeks since I’ve been home. It’s been great to be home with the fam and spend time with them and get home-cooked meals every night and do sporadic little things with CarrieAnn and Daniel. It has not been fun, however, going into town every day for five hours from restaurant to store to shop and hear “No, I’m sorry” over and over and over and put in applications and never hear back from people. It’s then when I start to wonder what God meant when He said He will provide. Not necessarily doubting that He will, just wondering if we chose to interpret that our own way when He meant it another.
Not having a schedule and a list of things to do every day has been uncomfortably frustrating. I waste so much time it’s sick and I’m always thinking about how much I wish I were other places. It’s really frustrating because I feel so ungrateful and selfish, especially when I know that I am so blessed in where I’m at compared to so many of my friends from school. So, once again, I'm learning what it means to be grateful. :)
On another note, I feel like I need to stop reading books about famous Christians like George Muller or John Newton or Amy Carmichael because A) it makes me feel like a terrible Christian, B) it makes me feel like I need to be a slave trader or something equally as bad (like a complacent college student, maybe? Heh.) for God to change my life around, and C) it seems like I’m missing or just not getting something about what the Christian life is. I don’t know if that made sense. Oh well.
And lastly, I don’t know about you, but tonight’s episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8 was one of the saddest, most frustrating things I’ve ever seen. That’s all!

Winona Lake is home.

I start feeling nauseous every time I start thinking about Thursday. I’ve been waking up in a panic several times every night since Friday night. I can’t concentrate on studying for finals because my heart is so anxious. Every time I see people moving out, I want to shove them and their color-coded boxes back in their rooms. Every time I listen to “Ungodly Hour” by The Fray, my insides sink and weigh about 10 pounds more. I’m going "home" for three and a half months, and then I’ll be back. I’ve moved nine times in my life, across the country, across the ocean, and it’s never been this hard.